Pretending

Day 236
I have really tried to let things go that aren't really that important, but it's hard. All I do is pretend like everything is ok with what happened, but really it's not. There's no trust or loyalty. Whenever I'm pretending all I can think about is, what really is going on? Texting, talking, hanging out. No matter what is, it makes me sick.
I don't want fake. I don't want lies. I don't this relationship.
I've tried. But I'm not pretending anymore.