And So It Begins

Day 91
It's SPRING BREAK!! WOO HOO!!!!! So far the break has been great. I came home and took a nice long nap. It was very lovely. I watched America's Next Top Model and this time their photo shoot was awesome!! They were vampires!!! They had creepy looking eyes and they were covered in blood. Plus they had a really hott guy modeling with them.
These are some of my favorite photos.




Super cool!!!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow my friends and me are having a GNO!!! Girls Night Out!! It's going to be so so so so much fun!! We are probably going to see The Last Song, which I'm dying to see. I absolutely loved the book! Then we are going to party down and have a sleep over!! I can't wait!!
Also the cruise is coming to fast! A week from Friday!!! Ah!!! I got the cutest clothes for the trip!! I want to it come faster!! But at least it's Spring Break!! Party time!!!

It's All Coming Together

Day 90
I don't have a ton of time to blog tonight. One reason is I need to watch the new episode of 10 Things I Hate About You and I'm extremely itchy from tanning yesterday!! Not fun! Another thing is that some things that were bugging me have been resolved and Spring Break starts tomorrow the second that last bell rings!

New Clothes And Color

Day 89
I had to best shopping day ever!! I got the cutest stuff ever!!! I found some awesome dresses and some super hott shorts!!! O yeah!!! I'm going to cheat and wear one of my dresses today, but I promise that will be the only time. I will save everything else for when I get back from the cruise.
So of course I need to be tan for the trip. I went tanning for my very first time and well...my skin is very fair and just 10 minutes in the bed and I'm already bright red. It's not painful, I just look a little red. Hopefully after tonight and after I shower it will look better.
I'm getting my hair done tomorrow, so I'm really excited about that. My bangs are really long and my color underneath is faded out really bad. So I'm looking forward to another good day tomorrow.

I'm A Shopaholic

Day 88
Wow! This has been such a fabulous weekend. I just love long weekends!! But I have to say I'm so excited for this week cause it's....SPRING BREAK! And then...CRUISE!! So so excited! Also another good thing is that I have plenty to distract me until then.
Tomorrow I'm going shopping with my Grandma!! O I love shopping!! I could shop for hours and hours! Plus I am extremely lucky that my Grandma likes to spoil me. My favorite stores to go to are, American Eagle, Forever 21, Urban Outfitters and Charlotte Ruse. Maybe occasionally I might find something at Holister once in awhile. I know what some of you are thinking, "Really American Eagle and Holister?" So let me explain what kind of shopper and what kind of style I have.
First of all I don't ever buy shirts that say a name of a store on them. Second I like things that are different and fashionable. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love jeans, but when it comes to a top most of the time it's not boring. Third, I love shoes and I don't see anything wrong with wearing hills or boots to school. Of course there are those girls who wear random hills with their jeans and t-shirt. That's something I would never do. Fourth long necklaces. I don't know why but I love them especially when they have random things on them like keys.
Now that it's warming up I'm ready to put on those flip flops and sandals, but the one item I'm looking forward to the most is summer dresses! I'm really hoping that I find some really cute ones tomorrow.
Tomorrow just isn't a regular shopping day...I'm getting clothes for the warm weather and the cruise!! I know I sound like a crazy person but that is why I'm a SHOPAHOLIC!

Gotta Love Long Weekends

Day 87
Had another really fun night!! This weekend has been great!! Sorry I'm to tired to go into the details. It's to late...time to hit the sheets...

LOL

Day 86
I'm way tired so all I'm going to say is that tonightI laughed out loud a ton!!! It was great!!

" A Friend Will Be There..."

Day 85
I would just like to start off by saying thank you to everyone who has given me advice and been here for me. You guys are so awesome. With your help I know that I will get around to being my whole self again soon. I don't like being sad. Shout out to my young women leaders, current and past, I love you all so so so much! I would be so lost with out you.
Before I talk about my day I would just like to quote this poem that is one of my all time favorites.
"A Friend will not talk bad about you...or will never lie.
Friends are always there for you if you need to cry.
Friends will be there for you through the thick and through the thin.
And when the rest of the world walks out on you...
A friend will walk in." -Nicole Johnson
This past week I have been able to see who my real friends are. I know who has always been there for me...standing up for me...caring about me...and I have shared with them the same things that they do for me. I have been disappointed to know that some of the people who I thought were my friends weren't. So now I'm grateful that I now know.

Shocked Beyond Belief

Day 83
The heart attack wasn't really a heart attack, but it was just as bad.
As you know this past weekend I have felt pretty much 100% about myself after all the stuff that I have been going through,some of you may know what I mean.
After last night, I'm almost back to step one again....
"He" texted me last night after 3 months of ignoring me and saying some pretty nasty stuff. This conversation wasn't a good one...my hopes gone...feelings hurt again. I'm not going into detail about what "he" said to me this time, but I just want everyone to know. I don't miss him or like him. He isn't the thing I'm getting over. I'm just tired of being treated bad, lied to and people not caring. I'm so confused why "he" does this to me and why "he" keeps doing it.
I'm not broken hearted. I'm being pushed down over and over again and I don't understand why it's happening to me.
For all of you who have been here for me. I love you so much. I'm sorry that I seam weak to you all, but I'm not. sometimes I just need someone to talk to and remind me what is really important and not to worry about things like this. I'm so grateful for all I have. and really I'm completely fine, don't worry about me. I know that this isn't going to last forever. I love myself and my life. This one bad thing going on right now doesn't mean as much to me as the good things I have.

Heart Attack

Day 82
I'm having trouble comprehending what is going on right now...lets just say I think I almost had a heart attack!

An Easy Cure

Day 81
It's been tough,rough and just down right awful these past few months. I mean of course there have been moments that I laughed and loved, memories that I will never forget, but there have been those feelings that I wish I could forget.
Luckily for me I have some very wonderful people in my life that know me and love me.My best friend knew I needed help and she came over to talk and gave the best advice. She let me know she was there and feeling my pain, and she didn't force anything on me. She told me exactly what I needed to hear. I hope that when she is going through tough times that I will be able to help her just as much as she did me.
Also it was my fams turn to host family game night. My entire family has recently decided that every month we are going to get together play games and well...just be together. It's so nice to look around and see my silly awesome family surrounding me. And another great thing is that no matter what they will always be my family. Nothing can ever change that.
As I write this blog tonight I realize that through everything that has happened I have made some progress and yes it's hard still, but now I see that it doesn't really matter as much as what I have. My friends. My family. My life. It's strange how I fell so far from everything, but I'm happy that everything I need to get back up is something I already have.

P.S. Just a shout out to NEW MOON, I have already watched it about 3 times since yesterday. Nothing puts a smile on your face more than Jacob:)

Shoulda,Coulda, Woulda

Day 80
I should have...
-Stayed up to speed with all my school work
-Called my friends instead of waiting for them to call me
-Not eaten that big bowl of ice cream
-Kept doing Personal Progress often
-Talked to that one cute tennis guy
-Told "him" that I was sorry
-Explain why I said the things I said
-Better prepared myself for the unexpected
I could have had...
-Better grades this quarter
-A fun Saturday night
-Been a little closer to being skinner
-Remebered who I am and have that feeling all the time
-Maybe could have flirted and enjoyed tennis even more
-Not deleted his number from my phone
-A guy who cared about me instead of being nothing to him...maybe even have gotten to go to prom
-been able to get over all these stupid things a lot easier
I would have...
Been feeling a lot better about life and about all the stuff that comes along with it.

I Wish I Wasn't A Muggle

Day 79
A few days ago I was trying to figure out what I was going to start reading. I finally decided that I was going to read all the Harry Potter books again. Ok I will admit I am a big nerd when it comes to Harry Potter. And in my defence I haven't read the first 3 books since I was probably around 11ish!!!
As I have started these books again, it's like I'm falling in love with it all over again, as stupid and lame as that sounds. And Chel don't you even dare laughing at me!!!
Why do I have to be a regular teenager who goes to a lame boring high school!! I want to go to Hogwarts!!!!!!!! It's sooo sad that it's all not real!!! Instead I'm here in my lame life, which I might add sucks even more because all of my best friends are getting asked to prom!!! And guess who isn't going....yup that's right me!!!!! If only...

It's Like A Haunted House

Day 78
I was soooooo tired today!!! The second that I got home I turned on Ellen on went right to sleep. It felt awesome!! Unfortunately the bad thing is I didn't do any of my homework before tennis. I have to do is all before I go to bed tonight and the clock is ticking...
Tennis was so great tonight, but then again it's always great. There was these were 2 really cute guys helping out with my class today. They were really nice and they said that I played really good. That made my day!!! My mom and my aunt came with me to watch. They love tennis and of course they love me, so they had a good time watching. Since the courts are indoors, the hallway in between them is dark and kind of creepy. It's hard to explain, but anyway when my class got over we were walking out and all of a sudden one on my teachers came crashing through one of the doors, and it scared my aunt so bad!! I was dying of laughter!! Then the cute guy said, "o I'm so sorry, it's like a freaking haunted house down here." O it was so funny.
O my gosh, I just really can't wait much longer for the cruise!! I hope these next few weeks go by fast.

In My Own World

Day 77
I feel Ignored....
Forgotten....
Unimportant...
Lost...
Confused...
Stressed....
Disappointed...
Anxious....
Irritated...
Alone...
It feels like everyone else is happy and content while I'm struggling with everything from being happy to school. At these moments it's hard to remember the good things in my life and all the good things to look forward to.

I'll Show Ya What A Real Tennis Player Is....

Day 76
Can you hear it?
The pop of that green neon ball of those strings?
The swoosh of the racket about to make a killer shot?
The thumping of feet diving for a volley?
I can and let me tell you all, those are some of the most beautiful sounds to hear. It's just like baseball sounds, if you like baseball, those kind sounds have that same effect on me...especially tennis sounds.
I started my tennis year again tonight and it felt awesome!!! I just love it!!! I have missed it so much. I love the feeling of making those certain shot!! Tennis is the only thing that I wished never ended. When I played basketball I dreading practice and I found myself watching the clock every minute, but not tennis!!
I can't get enough of it!!!!

Your Ears Are Missing Something!!

Day 75
Today seamed to be such a weird Monday. I am so stressed about school right now. Almost all of my grades have dropped, it's awful. I'm going to have to work some magic by the time this quarter ends, which isn't far away.
Anyway I'm going to completely change the subject now....
I just want to let you know how much I love my ears. Yes, that's right my ears. You want to know why? Cause with out them I couldn't listen to music. I LOVE music. I seriously couldn't live with out it. If I had to chose between being blind or deaf I would chose blind for sure, as sad as it would be. But not being able to hear music, i would die!!
If You don't feel this passionate about music like I do, here are some songs and artist recommendations you should look into if you haven't already...
-Adam Lambert
- Death Cab For Cutie: Best Songs( Follow You Into The Dark, Sound Of Settling)
-Goldfrapp
-Ingrid Michaelson: Best Songs(Maybe, Breakable, The Way I Am)
-Kings Of Leon: Best Songs(Closer, Use Somebody)
-Lady Gaga
-MGMT: Best Songs(Eletric Feel,Kids)
-Micheal Buble
-Micheal Jackson
-Muse
-Owl City
-One Republic
-Patsy Cline: Best Songs(I Fall To Pieces, Crazy)
-Relient K
-Spoon
-Taylor Swift
-Vampire Weekend
-Band Of Skulls: Best Song( I Know What I am)
-Beach House
-Brandi Carlile: Best Song(The Story)
-The Bravery
-Carolina Liar
-Duffy
This has some pretty sweet stuff on it and you better check them out!!
I think some time soon I will make my top 10 favorite song list!!

Spring Fever

Day 74
Out of all the seasons, Spring is my least favorite. I never liked it and I know that I never will. I decided that February-April are just boring, long months. I don't know why but the feeling have towards them are just blah.
For one thing the weather is so unpredictable. I mean seriously one minute it's 60 degrees and then it's snowing again!! It's so annoying!!!!
I guess that the only good thing that's going to happen this April is my cruise, which is now less than a month away!! Hallelujah!!
OMG!! If you watched American Idol on Thursday, I hope that you are all just as upset as I am!! Lilly gone!! What the heck!! I was in shock!! That stupid Katie girl is still there and she SUCKS!!! I really don't even want to watch the show any more. It's been pretty lame this year any way and now it's even more lame!!!
I will admit I am really excited to go to school tomorrow. I feel like I have been away for to long. Yeah yeah I know it only was 2 days, but I can't help it. Plus I missed a ton of work, so actually tomorrow might not be as good as I was hoping it would been...ah dang it!!
Also everyone should keep on mind that if you think everyone around you is acting a little strange, don't worry I have resulted in the fact that they might just have spring fever...

Hello Home!

Day 73
I'm back from Ceder City!! YAY! The convention was very fun and something that I will never forget. I never thought I would have that much fun, but it all ending up being a really good time.
The bus ride was pretty good, we didn't really run into any bad weather until we were about half way and it was kind of was bad when Chel and me had to run from the gas station to the bus when hail and snow was pouring down. It didn't help the fact that we had flip flops on... yeah not very smart.
So it's really nice to be home, I missed my family and my friends. I went to dinner with my fam and then I went and hanged with Lex for awhile. It was great.
I'm a getting really stressed out though. I have so much to do for school tomorrow.
I'm really pooped out so I'm going to hit the sheets and tonight I get to sleep in my own sheets Woo Hoo!!

"Me and Chel Go Fishing In The Sea"

Day 72
One of the funniest things that I have realized about being at this FFA convention is that there are some moments when everyone will start talking about hunting and I have no idea what the heck they are saying. Also pretty much every song that I hear down here is by a country artist that I don't know.
There is this song that they keep playing over and over again, so Chel and me decided to make up our on words. It's goes a little something like this...
"Me and Chel go fishing in the sea, down where all the birds talk to we, where the sea weed grows!" Yeah I know it's pretty awesome!!
So tonight is out last night here!! It's been a great!!!

FFA Convention Day #1

Day 71
Ok so as you all know we all got on the bus at 630am!!! After our extremely hott bus ride, and I'm not kiddin when I say hot!! I almost died!!!!!! Around 1130 we arrived in Ceder City!! YAY!!
Chelsea gave her speech and she did awesome!!! I really hope she wins!!!
I won't give away all the details till I get back home, but lets just say I just got done running across the street with hot coco!! Good night y'all!!

"Bye Bye Bye"

Day 70
O gosh, I just love remembering the good old days when I didn't have a care in the world. And when the only music I listened to was the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC!! Good times...good times. They both have some classic songs, including "Bye Bye Bye"!
But not only that... I really am going bye bye bye. Tomorrow I'm heading out for the FFA state convention. Can I get a YEE HA!!! Holy Cow I have no idea what to suspect.
I have a lot to do for tomorrow. Pack, buy food, get money. Yup it's a little stressful. And I missing 2 days of school, which is great cause I don't have to go, but bad cause I will be missing a bunch of work.
My teach said that our hotel has Internet so don't worry about my daily blogging, I'm going to keep you all updated on this strange adventure.

Possums and Patsy

Day 69
That illness that I was talking about last night, turned into death this morning. Yup, I didn't go to school. I have pretty much spent the entire day in bed. I did some productive things believe it or not.
Anyway thankfully American Idol was on tonight. The ladies did pretty good. Of course the ones that usually do good were good. Lilly did great, I just love her voice. I also really liked Didi tonight too. I don't even want to bother to watch the guys tomorrow. They aren't good at all in my opinon.
I'm watching the new show Parenthood. It's funny. At the beginning of tonights show, one of the guys in the show was chasing a possum around his yard. I was laughing so hard.
I started listening to Patsy Cline today and I think that she is amazing!

Her songs are great. She is tottaly singing exactly what I'm thinking and feeling. Yeah it's a little lame I know, but I'm not kidding here people!
So I really need to go to school tomorrow and I need to get everything I missed and everything that I'm going to miss. Tomorrow is kind of a Friday for me since the trip is on Thursday, I get to miss 2 days of school!! That is good and bad if you know what I mean. So before this night is over I'm going to watch some more Parenthood and listen to Patsy! Night!!

Cats They're Great!!!

Day 68
Ok so the title of this blog really has nothing to do with it, besides the fact that right now I'm at Chel's right now writing this and she has a funny cat card next to the computer. My freakin computer is dead right now. It is completely useless at the moment. My mom said that there is something wrong with our Internet. She was having some problems with it to, so a guy is supposed to be coming to fix it on Thursday...I'm praying it gets working again.
I woke up today with a terrible sore throat. As this day has been going on it's keeps getting worse and worse. Now I have a really stuffy nose along with it. Not a fun time my friends.
At school I keep thinking it was a Tuesday, don't ask me why. You all know that my mind is not right at the moment. I have way to much to do and definitely way to much to worry about.
2 more days till the big FFA trip... lets just say this is going to be very interesting. At least Chel will be there.
I'm going to prepare you all now that if you read any more of this, it's just going to be me complaining again.
So here it goes. It's still pretty ruff. I just feel like I'm not making any progress in this situation. I just feel out of place most of the time. The one thing that kind of pushed me over the edge was that baseball season has started. I won't go into much detail about that right now, but let's just say there is a sad story that goes behind it.
Enough of that. I'm good. I know most the time it;s sounds like I'm not, but really I am. I just have those stupid teenage moments more often lately. It's going to be a lot better soon...

Homework Day

Day 67
I can't even begin to tell you all how much I have to do. Let's see if I can get it all down.
I have to finish up 5 hard assignments and take a unit test for online gym.
I need to start finding quotes and making my A book for my Scarlet Letter project.
I need to pick a topic for my history paper.
I have about 200 math problems to do that I haven't even started on yet.
I have to make a brochure for health about eating disorders.
I need to get everything ready for my FFA trip on Thursday.
I'm starting tennis again on Tuesday and I'm excited, but really nervous.
Wow...let me think. That might be it, but who knows cause my brain is seriously on overload. I swear everything is just hitting me all at once. I can't take it from school, boys, everything!! I'm going crazy!!!!!!!!

So Much...

Day 66
I'm not writing a lot tonight. My mom and dad are watching a show on the history channel about how a lot of people think that most of the ancient structures in the world were built by aliens...it's freaking me out. My bro is going to probably play x box till at lest 2 and now I'm going to do some homework and read my awesome new book. The night is young!!!

What Day Is It? Oh Yeah It's Friday!

Day 65
I don't know why but today didn't really feel like a Friday. School went by pretty fast. It was a good day. I wore my crazy pants today. Of course I got the regular looks from people, some shocked, some thought they were cool. It's nothing new, I've worn them to school before. It's just funny to hear people say, "Holy cow look at those pants!!" It's great.
Lexi and me went to my bro's b ball game. Our ward is in the playoffs for church ball. It's funny how boys get so mad so easily. Especially in church ball. So the good news is that his team won so they play again tomorrow, but it's to early, I don't think that I will be going to that one. Later after the game we went to Barns and Noble and I bought a new book. Believe it or not we ended up watching Twilight. Yeah I know crazy. That show, it's just...so badly made. New moon was way better!!
O I almost forgot I saw a cover for the new Hunger Games book!! It's coming out in August!!!

I love these books!! I can't wait to read Mocking jay!!

Kelly Kick

Day 64
I don't know why, but I have really been rockin out to Kelly Clarkson these past couple of days. I didn't know how much I love her songs till now!! They are seriously exactly how I feel! I love it!!
I just found out something really awesome...I'm going to start tennis again!! Woo hoo!! So excited but really scared at the same time cause I haven't hit in for awhile. I'm really rusty!! I hope it all goes well!! Another good thing it that I will be working out again. I just love tennis and I'm so excited for next season!!
As for the rest of the day...it was a ruff one, not gonna lie. I felt so drained and sad and it's not like I have a real reason to be, I guess.
O well there is always tomorrow.

A Very Frustrating Day

Day 63
Ok so as you all know, WJ won last night so, we got to play again today. The problem is that if you wanted to go you had to be checked out of school and you had to find a way all the way to Weber State!! Yeah I know, very stressful. So here I am all day, trying to figure out what to do. I pretty much texted everyone in my phone to figure out who wanted to go or who could go, everyone had their lame excuses.
I ended up finding one of my pretty ok friends, and because I am a nice person I won't say who...anyway a little bit after she told me she could go she texted me again and said that she couldn't go any more. I was way bummed. If you know me well you know how much I love my Jag b-ball team. I stayed at school and was sad, after school I find out that this certain friend WENT TO THE GAME!! She didn't even tell me!! I was so angry!!

Alright so before I go off to much with that subject...I would just like to say, no matter what I'm doing or thinking at one moment my thoughts always come back to "him". It sucks. I realize that most the time it's not him that I really miss it's just the feeling of having someone. I made a big mistake. I got way to deep with my feelings and emotions with him and now I have forgotten what love and all that really is. Now I am paying for it...
I'm so frustrated with everything right now! Little things and big things. They are all just coming together and making a big mess. I just need a break or maybe something really good to happen...maybe it could happen tomorrow, that would be nice.

VICTORY!!

Day 62
WJ Jaguars!!! We won our first state game!!! Woo Hoo!!! I can't give the details right now cause I have to study for a history test that is unfortunately tomorrow!! so that's all for tonight!! Buh Bye!!

New Things To Think About

Day 61
Holy Cow!!! It felt so nice today!! I am extremely happy that it is March now! It feels great!!
This week everyone is freaking out cause this week we are all getting registered for the next school year. All I can say is that I'm way excited about the classes that I have signed up for. I just pray that it all works out the way I want it to. And hopefully I will get to have good people in my classes too! So Of course I have been thinking about my last year of high school a ton, it's coming so fast!!
I didn't really have any homework tonight so I watched The Bachelor, yeah I know lame!! That show is so dramatic, so sorry if you like it!
I was just thinking about what I wanted to watch tonight and I decided that I really wanted to watch The Perfect Man! But I can't find the freakin DVD!!! Soooo sad!!
A happier thought is that American Idol is on tomorrow!! I haven't been watching like I did last year cause for one thing Adam isn't there and there is no one as good as him, but anyway there are a couple people i'm keeping my eye on...

Lilly Scott! Has a way cool voice and she is cute!!
Beside that everyone else is just so so.
It will be interseting to see who is going to stand out the most!
Just to throw in a little boy drama before I close for the night, I actually felt pretty good at school today. I hardly saw "him" at all and when I did things just felt different. I'm hoping this means things are going to get a lot easier soon cause it's about time!!
Yup just some things to think about...